


Brighter Than A Thousand Suns

by ChaNssi



Category: VIXX
Genre: But This definitely pains me, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm going to stop with these stupid tags, M/M, Major pain incoming, Well it pained me to write it, idk if this is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-11 05:38:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13517688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaNssi/pseuds/ChaNssi
Summary: How time doesn't still for anyone.How a single moment can be monumental.How many water droplets collect to form an ocean.





	Brighter Than A Thousand Suns

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for giving this a chance.
> 
> But let me warn you, I am not choosing to use warnings at the beginning because I don't want to give out any secrets.
> 
> Lord, that sounds sinister. But trust me, it isn't that bad. 
> 
> Just a warning before you continue!

**_ Brighter than a thousand suns _ **

The feeble winter sunlight struggled to make its way into the darkened room. The curtains were pulled close as if making sure whatever sunlight did prove to be stubborn enough to make its presence known, would forever be obliterated. The brewing snow storm wasn’t exactly a help with the situation.

Sanghyuk woke up to the sound of snow pelting itself against the glass of the windows. It was calming, but not. A shiver tore through him and he realised he must have kicked off his blankets at some point in the night. But he made no effort to retrieve them and make himself comfortable. Instead, he let the cold chill his bones.

He looked around blearily, vaguely wondering what day it was. Still too lazy to actually get off the bed and get through with the day, he patted the bed beside him, looking for his phone. He pushed his hands underneath the pillows, hoping to find it there. And when his hands came up empty, the realisation started to creep in _. Oh_.

He then lay, curled up in the foetal position, hugging his knees to his chest, his hands holding them in place, as he revelled in the physical pain the cold caused him. He wondered if letting himself shiver and give in to the cold would perhaps freeze his blood and make him a huge human popsicle. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to give up the little semblance of control he seemed to have over his body. Which wasn’t all that much, so to say.

When the inevitable knock sounded on his bedroom door, he made no effort to acknowledge it. It was more due to the fact that he had no strength in himself to even squeak out a word, something to assure the person standing outside that yes, he was alive. He just continued to stare blankly at the drapes across from his bed.

He didn’t know what time it was, he didn’t know what day it was. All he knew was that the day didn’t deserve to be acknowledged. He lay completely still, trying his best to not let his mind wander to the witch’s poisonous concoction brewing right below the surface of whatever haze had taken residence in his cortex, numbing him entirely.

He began to ask himself how long he could possibly stay holed up in his room before someone broke down his door to check up on him. And the answer to his question came soon after he finished formulating the thought. Another knock, followed by banging and then a jingle of keys that were unceremoniously inserted into the keyhole of his bedroom door, which was thrown open promptly.

He heard a pair of feet shuffle quietly towards his bed, and he felt more than heard the person get on to the bed beside him. He felt the person’s long, thin fingers run through his hair which was undoubtedly matted and greasy. He felt himself lean in to the touch, his body physically craving the heat. When the fingers disappeared from massaging his scalp, he whipped his head around, not wanting the person to leave.

Within seconds, the fingers were back to their old position and he also felt his blankets being draped over him again. He wanted to kick them away. He didn’t feel like he deserved to be comfortable. He wanted the cold to devour him, but the past few days had taken a toll on him and he had absolutely no strength whatsoever to fight.

The light from the corridor was now pouring in and he could make out the outlines of the furniture in his room. The light brought back memories. To shut it out, he scrunched up his eyes and an involuntary whimper escaped his lips. He hated himself for sounding so weak, but it was the truth.

Laughter seemed to bubble out of his lips at the absurdity of him, Han Sanghyuk, being weak. Oh how his hyung must be laughing at him now, at how pathetic he must seem, curled up on himself. He hadn’t even realised his laughter had turned to tears until he was being tugged into a lap with hands holding him as if he were something so precious, something easily breakable.

“Shh, it’s okay Hyukkie. It’s going to be alright,” Taekwoon, the person holding him, his brother, whispered to him with such fragility, he hadn’t even known possible.

He felt his tears gush out of him at that. No, he wanted to yell. It’s never going to be alright. Not now, not ever. He gripped onto his brother’s shirt, buried his face in his shoulder. He didn’t care that he was probably crying through his sweater. All he knew was that he wanted the damn pain in his chest to stop. The pain which was tearing him apart, but also making him feel alive at the same time.

It was like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to feel more pain or if he just wanted it to be numb. He figured feeling pain was better than being numb. Thinking back to the few days that he was numb wasn’t a very pleasant journey.

“Hyukkie,” his brother whispered hesitantly.

He made no effort to acknowledge it this time either.

His brother tried again. “Hyukkie, you need to get out of the room. It’s been almost ten days,”

Ten days. Ten whole days. Was that all? Why did it seem like a longer time to him then? He could’ve sworn it had been at least a month. Or not. It sometimes just seemed like a very long nightmare. One he was hoping he would wake up from, and not find his bed empty, his phone shattered, his life torn apart.

He felt hands on his shoulders, a little pressure applied on them to pull him away from Taekwoon’s chest. He obliged, but his eyes were still shut tight. He had no intention of ever opening them again. Not when there was any form of light around. He suddenly wondered why he couldn’t just go blind.

“Hyukkie, I need you to look at me,” Taekwoon asked of him.

He simply shook his head. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He wondered if his brother was getting exasperated yet. He hoped not. He may not show it to him, but he was eternally grateful to him for being there for him, for taking care of him, for picking up after him.

“Sanghyuk, you can’t keep your eyes closed forever. It doesn’t work that way,” Taekwoon’s voice held not a hint of bitterness.

 “Hyung, I can’t,” his voice broke over just those three words. He hadn’t opened his mouth in a long while.

He heard a sharp intake of breath. He wondered vaguely if it was from himself. Maybe he had finally broken apart into the millions of tiny pieces he swore were already sketched onto his body. They were just waiting for the right moment to fall apart. Like the shikon jewel. Maybe his body had finally given up on trying to live through the agony. That seemed like a positive thing.

“Sanghyuk, you can still speak,” there were unmistakable tears in his voice. And then he was pulled back in for another hug. This time, it was his brother who needed it more than him.

He didn’t understand why Taekwoon was saying such weird things. Then it dawned on him that he hadn’t uttered a word for exactly ten days. Not since the panicked phone call he made to Taekwoon. Not since the moment his entire world collapsed upon him. Not since the sunshine of his life vanished into thin air, never to return again.

He choked down another sob that was creeping back into his throat. If not for himself, he needed to stay collected for his brother. At least for a while longer.

“Hyukkie, I thought you’ll never speak again. I thought … I….. I thought I lost you as well,”

Taekwoon’s honest and raw voice seemed to push that knot in his throat back up. But he clamped it down and whispered, “I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry for not being there for you. I’m sorry for being so selfish,”

Taekwoon looked up at him with his own face glistening with tears and shook his head, even though Sanghyuk still wasn’t looking at him.

“No, Hyukkie. Don’t apologise. I just, I never want to… No, I never wanted for this to happen. It hurts, but I’m glad you’re still here. You’ll get through this. No, we’ll get through this,”

He knew he shouldn’t feel angered at his brother for being happy that he was there, he was well, but he couldn’t seem to stamp down on the witch’s brew that had begun to poison his thoughts. He was suddenly overcome with rage.

He recoiled from Taekwoon’s touch, and cornered himself between the bedside table and the bed, clutching his blankets so tight his hands were pale.

“Sanghyuk?” he felt Taekwoon try to come closer.

“Don’t you dare,” he whispered.

“Sanghyuk, what’s wrong?” the confusion evident in Taekwoon’s voice, and a tint of pain. Thankfully, he didn’t go any nearer to Hyuk.

“How can you even say that you’re just glad I am here? It isn’t okay, hyung. Not at all. Not when this is all my fault. It should have been me. I shouldn’t be here,” he yelled, his voice steadily getting stronger and louder.

“No, Hyukkie, that’s where you’re wrong. It wasn’t your fault. Have you forgotten what mother always used to tell us? Everything happens for a reason,” Taekwoon said with his voice laced with desperation.

“A reason?” Sanghyuk chuckled darkly. “Hyung, no reason in this world is enough to make even my arch nemeses go through this shit. No reason will ever make it okay,”

“Hyukkie, please, listen to me. It really wasn’t your fault. Hakyeon wouldn’t have wanted for you to think that way,”

Sanghyuk hissed loudly as if just the mention of Hakyeon burned right through him. He doubled over, the tears that had been threatening to fall for a while, finally crossed the barrier.

Hakyeon’s name reverberated in his head, and it seemed to pull memories from the deepest of abysses in his mind.

.

.

_Sanghyuk never cried. Not when he was a two year old. Not when he was three. Not even when he was four. But he was five and had tears flowing and the thought of himself crying made him cry even more._

_“Oh my God! Why are you crying?” asked a voice from somewhere above him and little Sanghyuk looked up to find a calm pair of eyes. His eyes reminded him of the chocolate ice cream that was lying on the ground in front of him and a fresh out of tears made their way out._

_Sanghyuk buried his face in his hands and outright sobbed when he felt two hands on his tiny shoulders._

_He looked up again into the same pair of brown eyes that looked concerned._

_“What is your name?” the boy crouched in front of him asked._

_Sanghyuk sniffled, trying to not look at the boy’s eyes. He focussed on his black hair instead and took deep breaths, trying to reign in more tears._

_“Sanghyuk,” he whispered in a cracked voice._

_He suddenly felt fingers wiping away the tears streaking down his puffy cheeks._

_“Shh, don’t cry. I’ll get you another ice cream,”_

_He briefly wondered how the boy knew what he was crying about._

_“Really?’ well, as long as he got his ice cream back._

_“Yes, but you’ll have to tell me where you live,”_

_Sanghyuk pulled himself away, now filled with fear and dread. He remembered his mother telling him not to trust strangers. And she also told him never to accept sweets from strangers. He shook his head. “Don’t wanna,”_

_He heard the boy sigh. “Okay, but did you come here alone?”_

_Sanghyuk shook his head again and looked past the swing set in the playground, towards the soccer field and pointed his fingers in it’s general direction. “Hyung,” he said, and he was shocked to find more tears blur his vision._

_He saw the boy look at the soccer field and look back at him. The boy told him to not move and saying he’d be back with a friend, ran towards it. He saw him wildly gesture something to another boy and he saw him drag the other boy towards him._

_The other boy turned out to be his hyung and he rushed forward when he saw Sanghyuk on the ground._

_“Sanghyuk, what are you crying?” Taekwoon asked him, bending down to pick him off the ground and dusting him._

_“Hyung,” he put his arms around Taekwoon’s shoulders and buried his face in his neck. “Hyung, my ice cream fell,” he cried out, as if in pain._

_Taekwoon visibly relaxed when he realised his baby brother hadn’t been hurt._

_“Oh, Sanghyuk, you shouldn’t cry about ice creams,” he chided. He then turned to the boy who got him there and thanked him._

_“Hakyeon, thank you so much,”_

_Hakyeon simply shook his head,” You don’t have to thank me, Woonie. So this is your brother? He’s so cute! Now I want a tiny brother myself,” he cooed._

_Hakyeon. The name would remain instilled in Sanghyuk’s brain for a long, long time._

.

.

“Hyung,” he cried out. The pain seemed to radiate from his heart. It felt palpable, the air thick with scorching heat despite the snow storm outside.

He wanted to open his eyes, he needed to look at Taekwoon. He needed something to hold on to. He blindly reached out for Taekwoon’s hands, his legs, anything. Seeming to understand what he needed, Taekwoon reached out and entwined his fingers through Hyuk’s.

“Hyung, I don’t think I can take it anymore. It hurts, it hurts so much,” his voice cracked “I need him here, hyung. I need Hakyeon. Oh God,”

.

.

_“You like him, don’t you,” more statement than question, a deep voice to his right whispered conspirationally._

_Sanghyuk looked at his best friend with a dumbstruck expression on his face. He held a finger to his lips, as if saying ‘You’re being too loud’. They were seated in a corner at the library at their high school, working silently on the assignments that needed to be submitted the next day._

_Knowing his friend wasn’t actually going to shut up, he whispered right back, “What the hell are you talking about, Bean?”_

_“You, your brother’s best friend,” Hongbin vaguely gestured with his hands, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_Sanghyuk frowned. “Hakyeon? What about him?”_

_“Oh please. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You’re always either staring at him or talking about him. You make it seem like he’s the Sun that provides you light. And you absorb it and shine for him,” Hongbin cringed the moment he said it._

_Sanghyuk looked taken aback, “I don’t always talk about him,” he mumbled feebly, flushing a bit. “And how can I stare at him all the time when he has already graduated? Hah. I got you!” he said triumphantly a moment later. With a bit too much enthusiasm, and the people next to them shot him a glare._

_“You didn’t deny the fact that you do, in fact, like him,” Hongbin looked at him smugly._

_“Of course I like him Bean, he’s an important person in my life. A very important friend,”_

_“Oh poor you. It would be much easier for both of us if you just accepted it soon,” Hongbin cooed at him and gently patted his head. Sanghyuk growled at him and pushed his hand away, glaring softly._

.

.

The emotional exhaustion caught up with him and Sanghyuk passed out in Taekwoon’s arms, cheeks still tear stained. Gently, Taekwoon slipped his head onto a pillow and covered him with the blankets. He stood up and noticed a small frown creasing the skin between his brother’s eye brows. He placed a fingertip to smooth it down and bent down to leave a kiss over the spot. He wished beyond hope that Sanghyuk might have a dreamless sleep. He wished for the poor child to not suffer. And he hated that there was nothing he could do to help. He hated it so much, he wanted to tear his hair apart. The helplessness was not appreciated.

.

.

_“I need your help,”_

_Sanghyuk and Hongbin were situated in front of a computer screen, both holding on to the game consoles and pushing the controls left, right and centre with such vigour it was a miracle the controls didn’t break off._

_“With?” Hongbin asked, without taking his eyes off the screen. “And if this is your way of distracting me, you’d better come up with better strategies,” he smirked as the tally of zombies he killed started to pile up more than his best friend’s._

_“Lame,” Sanghyuk said before he took a deep breath and paused the game,_

_“Hey! What’d you do that for,” Hongbin shrieked, turning to face him but fell silent upon noticing the grim facial expression darkening his face. “Okay, what is it?”_

_“You’re right,” supplied Sanghyuk._

_“Of course I am, but what exactly is this about?”_

_“I may like Hakyeon as more than a friend,”_

_Hongbin stood up and danced around like a crazy buffoon. His face entirely gleeful, he pulled Sanghyuk off his chair as well and traipsed around the room._

_Sanghyuk stopped him after a while and said, “I still haven’t finished saying what I needed to say to you, you fool,”_

_“Okay, okay, go ahead,” Hongbin panted, trying to catch his breath._

_“I need you to act as my fake boyfriend,”_

_This time, it was Hongbin’s turn to gape._

_“What the hell do you mean by that?” he grasped Hyuk’s shoulders, digging his fingers into them painfully._

_Sanghyuk winced but didn’t say much._

_“It’s simple, I need your help in making Hakyeon jealous. I want to know if he likes me too. But I can’t seem desperate, not when he keeps being the social butterfly that he is and goes on dates with every Tom, Dick and Harry,”_

_“And did you forget that I have a boyfriend of my own?” he deadpanned._

_“No, silly. I already talked to Wonshik about this. He said he’s fine with it,”_

_“But I’m not,” Hongbin threw his hands up in the air._

.

.

The next time he came to, he found himself tucked back in his bed with his blankets and he felt the darkness. He opened his eyes slightly to make sure no light was pouring in and found a figure sitting at the edge of his bed. He stirred slightly, giving indication to the person that he was alive. The person turned towards him and climbed into the sheets, and threw his arms around him.

“I didn’t think you’d be up this time either,” Hongbin whispered, trying not to break the silence of the room.

“I’m sorry,”

“Shh, don’t ever apologise for something like this. I’m just,” Hongbin’s voice broke with saturated emotions. “I,” It was like he couldn’t continue. He didn’t have it in him to find the words to express what he wanted to. He wanted to offer his condolences, he wanted to apologise for being unable to do anything, he wanted to cry with his best friend, he wanted to thank him for being alive. But he knew he couldn’t be selfish. He needed to be there for his Hyukkie.

Sanghyuk felt a ghost of a smile stretch muscles in his face that felt unused for what felt like at least a century. He held on to one of the few real things left in his life, as if holding on would make it not disappear.

“Thank you, for being here,”

.

.

_Sanghyuk growled in frustration. He didn’t like it. He wanted to gouge his eyes out and probably sanitise them in peroxide before putting them back into their respective sockets. He thought maybe he should do the same with his brain as well. Maybe that would help erase the image ingrained in his head._

_“I don’t know what’s up, but trying to dent the floor isn’t going to help,” quipped Taekwoon from his perch on the couch, a literature book in hand._

_“Shut up,” Sanghyuk glowered at him._

_Taekwoon simply shrugged and went back to reading his book. He set it down when he figured he wouldn’t be able to concentrate with his brother stomping and pacing the floor._

_“Okay, what is it?” he asked._

_“Mind your own business, old man,”_

_“Hyukkie,” was all it took from Taekwoon to send a chill down Sanghyuk’s back._

_He stopped walking and, gulping visibly, he settled on the couch next to his brother and looked at him._

_“I’m just extremely frustrated,”_

_“About what?” Taekwoon prompted._

_“I saw the person I like kiss someone. No wait, that was more than a kiss. That was full on make out session and I hate it so much that I want to cleanse my soul and his soul and I want to stop him flirting with other people and maybe just look at me once as something more than just –“ he couldn’t continue or his brother would know._

_“More than just?”_

_“I can’t say,” he muttered silently._

_“More than just my brother’s younger brother,” Taekwoon completed his sentence for him._

_Sanghyuk looked up with shock written all over his face. He had always known Taekwoon was perceptive, but this was beyond perception. It seemed more like blatant mind reading to him. He gaped._

_“Shut your mouth Sanghyuk,”_

_He hadn’t even realised his mouth had fallen open._

_“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” Taekwoon asked after a while, when Hyuk had managed to pull himself together._

_“How did you – “ he choked out._

_“You stare at him like an idiot all the time. You practically glow whenever he comes home. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was aware as well,” Taekwoon sighed._

_“Oh My God,” he realised with horror that his little secret may not be a secret anymore._

.

.

“Hyung, I don’t want to forget,” Sanghyuk mumbled, thinking Taekwoon wouldn’t hear him.

Taekwoon had been combing his fingers through his brother’s hair and when he heard him mutter, his hand stilled. He waited for him to continue.

“I don’t want to forget how important he is to me. I fear that one day, everything would seem distant to me and I am frightened beyond words that one day, I might forget. I don’t want that,”

“You won’t forget, Hyukkie. That will never happen. But you may move on one day,” he resumed the finger combing.

“I don’t want that either. Hyung, you don’t understand. He is the one thing that shines brighter than any sun or star out there for me. He still shines,” Sanghyuk’s voice broke. He couldn’t remember the last time he spoke without emotion clogging up his throat.

“Hyukkie,” He enveloped his baby in his arms, hoping to convey what words couldn’t.

.

.

_“You idiot, why do you keep doing that to yourself?” Taekwoon hissed into his mobile phone as he paced the kitchen, a pot of boiling water on the stove that started to sputter._

_Whatever the person on the other end of the phone call made him almost throw his phone into the boiling water in his rage._

_“You know what, Hakyeon? Stop being a fool and take a step towards it, goddamn it. Where has all your stupid boisterousness disappeared to? Why can’t you do the right thing when it comes to what you actually need to be doing?” he shouted into the phone and threw it on to the kitchen counter._

_Sanghyuk, who had been witnessing his brother lose his cool, perked up when he heard Hakyeon’s name and looked up at him expectantly, waiting for him to tell him what had gone wrong. But when Taekwoon simply ripped the packet of ramen apart and began to stir it’s contents into the boiling water like a witch might gleefully do the same to a brew of some sort, he sighed and figured he should just ask._

_“Hyung,” he approached him silently, not wanting to startle him._

_“What?” Taekwoon barked at him, but his face softened considerably when he saw Sanghyuk flinch a bit._

_“What did Hakyeon do?”_

_Taekwoon’s face darkened again and Sanghyuk took an involuntary step back._

_“Ask me what he didn’t do. Whoring himself to forget. Who the fuck does that?” Taekwoon thundered, the anger not directed at Sanghyuk but at his stupid best friend._

_“What do you mean, whoring himself out? And what does he need to forget?” Sanghyuk furrowed his brows._

_“Argh! I don’t understand how he can be so thick skinned. And you, why don’t you go do something about the stupid little crush you so carefully harbour on him?”_

_Sanghyuk blushed, but he had absolutely no idea why Taekwoon was going off on him. Hakyeon must have done something really stupid, he thought to himself. He had never seen his brother that angry. Taekwoon seemed on the verge of burning down the house. His anger was almost palpable in the air._

_“What do you mean, hyung? He doesn’t even like me. Why would I want to do something about the crush? Anyway, it’s just a crush, it’ll fade away,” he muttered, looking everywhere but at Taekwoon._

_“Fools! Both of you are such fools! The crush is going to fade away, my ass. Why hasn’t it faded away already then? I can’t.” He walked away, leaving a confused Sanghyuk standing by the stove. He had forgotten his ramen. Taekwoon never forgot his food._

.

.

Sanghyuk learned, albeit slowly, but he learned that he had to get on with his life. Lamenting after everything was already over was of no help. Grief only exacerbated when he had shut himself in his room. He also learned that hurting himself and punishing himself was going to get him nowhere.

He picked himself up, all the tiny pieces that Hakyeon had managed to leave after him to pick up, and tried his best to piece himself back together. He knew people still whispered behind his back, he could feel the weights of their stares, and most times he felt like snapping at them to mind their own goddamn businesses, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to face them and look at their pity filled faces. He’d rather run in front of moving busses. That might prove to be less painful.

But he had promised Taekwoon that he would at least try to put in an effort into his life and he intended on keeping it. He didn’t want to make his brother suffer any more than he already had, and for that, he was ready to fake his way through life. He didn’t need to be genuinely happy to smile and laugh. All his sorrow, he could as well keep to himself and his pillows. They were companions in the worst of times.

Having no one to really spend his time with, he had started to work out more often. The physical exhaustion helped, and he had somehow gotten closer to Wonshik, Hongbin’s boyfriend since forever. The guy worked out like crazy. They became gym buddies, one could say. Also, walking and taking a bus seemed to save him loads of money. He hadn’t set foot in a car in nearly a year. He did not intend to either.

.

.

_“Dance! I’ll pursue dancing,” Sanghyuk announced to his brother._

_Taekwoon simply rolled his eyes and smirked lazily at him._

_“It’s not what you think,” he glowered at his stupid smirk._

_“I didn’t even say anything,” Taekwoon’s smirk widened and he wiggled his eye brows._

_“Hyung, stop making such suggestive faces. It’s disgusting,” he groaned, “and no, it’s not because of Hakyeon. Trust me,”_

_Hongbin, who had been trying to hold his laughter burst out at that and Sanghyuk sent him a glare. If only looks could kill._

_“Oh shut up. Why doesn’t anyone believe me? It’s really not!” Sanghyuk couldn’t understand why neither of them believed him._

_“Why are you both bullying my baby?” a chiding voice floated in from the doorway and a flush crept onto Hyuk’s face._

_“Us? Bullying this idiot? More like he keeps killing us with his idiotic decisions,” Taekwoon sighed as he got up to receive his friend._

_Hakyeon walked up to Hyuk and put his arms around him. He squeezed his shoulders before pecking at his cheek, making him flush deeper._

_“Eww,” Sanghyuk made a disgusted face and swiped at his cheek, in a dazed attempt at getting the tingling sensation to go away._

_“Aww Hyukkie, you’re still such a child,” Hakyeon cooed._

_“How am I a child,” Hyuk frowned at him. Those chocolate brown eyes were still the best feature – among all the other best features that was bestowed with._

_Both Hongbin and Taekwoon cleared their throats at the same time making them jump apart._

_“Anyway, what were you talking about?” Hakyeon then faced the other two occupants of the room._

_“University and courses,” Hongbin replied._

_That seemed to have piqued his interest enough that Hakyeon stopped sending Taekwoon death glares and turned his full attention to Hongbin and Sanghyuk._

_“oh? What are you planning on taking children?” he put his hands on his hip, trying to pull off a stern teacher._

_“Hongbin wants to go to culinary school,” Hyuk snickered and earned himself a punch in the side from his so called best friend._

_“It’s not funny,”_

_“Yes it is. Your stupid fascination with sugar in food shouldn’t be a decisive factor. And you’re right. It’s not funny, it’s outright hilarious,” Sanghyuk laughed._

_Hongbin narrowed his eyes at him and without much thought, he muttered, “it’s at least better than your decision to go study dance only because you can’t stay away from your Hakyeon,”_

_The room went pin drop silent. All four of them seemed to have stopped breathing and suddenly,_

_“What the fuck – “_

_“What do you mean – “_

_“Oh my God – “_

_“Oh fuck – “_

_All four of them talked at the same time. In the chaos, Taekwoon silently dragged Hongbin away from the room whispering to him to let the other two talk it out. Sanghyuk realised this belatedly when he was standing in the kitchen with Hakyeon, all alone._

_“Hyukkie?” Hakyeon’s voice was curious._

_Sanghyuk tried to focus on everything other than the brightly shining sun in front of him. He fiddled with his fingers and sighed when he realised there was no way out of it._

_“Hyukkie, what did Hongbin mean?” Hakyeon tried again, this time with a gentle tone. He moved forward and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder._

_“Are you sure you want to know?” Sanghyuk asked quietly._

_“Only if you are ready to tell me,”_

_Sanghyuk looked at his brother’s best friend and took a deep, shuddering breath._

_“I like you, Hakyeon. I like you a lot. At first, I thought it was simply a crush that would fade with time, but either the time isn’t moving forward or this isn’t just a crush anymore. Don’t even ask me when it started. I don’t even know. In fact, I hadn’t even realised I liked you until Hongbin had “the talk” with me and pointed out all the obvious facts. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d noticed. Hyung seemed to notice it too, so I must’ve been really obvious,” he rambled, being unable to stop once he started. He took another deep breath after he finished, feeling eons lighter._

_He chanced a glance at Hakyeon, not knowing what he expected, but he was most definitely surprised to find tears streaming down Hakyeon’s beautiful face. His heart dropped down to his stomach._

_“Shit, Hakyeon, I’m so sorry if you didn’t want this happening. But I really do need to let it out if I have hopes of ever moving on. Oh my God, I didn’t even know people could cry because of a confession. You must really not like this, huh,” he was in pain, his heart felt like it was being ripped out of his chest wall while being squeezed, but he still tried to console Hakyeon._

_Hakyeon shook his head, opened his mouth and closed it again. He did this twice and looked like a cute little fish. The tears made no indication of stopping their flow out of his eyes. When Sanghyuk made to move back out of his grip, he tightened it, grounding the younger boy in front of him. He flopped his head onto Sanghyuk’s shoulder and held on._

_He took deep breaths before opening his mouth again._

_“Hyukkie, Oh My God, Hyukkie, how.. where do I even start?”_

_Sanghyuk’s heart was still beating painfully fast but all he wanted was for Hakyeon to stop crying. He hated the fact that he made him cry. He tried to chase the tears away with the pads of his thumbs._

_“Hyukkie, I like you too. Gosh, I’ve liked you since the first time I laid my eyes on you. God, that sounds so creepy,” he laughed awkwardly, looking up to face Sanghyuk. Hyuk’s heart seemed to have ascended a few spaces up and he looked hopeful._

_“Please don’t move on? I don’t know what I’d do if you moved on from me. I always thought you were too young for me. Plus you were and are my best friend’s little brother. All this time I kept dating around and being a playboy? That was all in hopes of squashing down on my feelings for you and maybe finding someone I could settle with. I feel so stupid now. I should’ve listened to Woonie,”_

_Sanghyuk’s heart stopped beating altogether._

_“Wait, slow down. What do you mean you were dating around because of me? Oh God, was I the reason for you whoring yourself out?” he blurted out without thinking._

_“Whoring myself?” Hakyeon frowned through his tear streaked eye lashes,” Oh My God, What has Taekwoon been telling you?” he whispered in horror and stepped back._

_Sanghyuk had the presence of mind to look sheepish at that and he smiled awkwardly. He moved to engulf Hakyeon in a hug._

_“Nothing at all,” he muttered into his hair. “So you like me, huh?” Hakyeon’s confession seemed to have brought him back to his senses and his sass definitely made a come back._

_“Oh shut up,” Hakyeon smiled into his neck._

_Hyuk had never felt happier in his entire life. The bright sun became his own personal sun._

.

.

A year. One whole year without Hakyeon and Sanghyuk had no idea how he had managed to survive 365 days. He spent the day holed up in his apartment. He knew Taekwoon and Hongbin would come by to visit, but he had no strength in him to tidy up his place.

He had woken up dreaming of Hakyeon and felt wetness on his cheeks when he rubbed at his eyes. He took his diary and began to read through whatever he had written over the past year, of all the little things that he tried not to forget. That little diary had fast become his most important possession. Even if his house burnt down to ashes, he’d do anything to keep the diary safe.

It was leather bound and red in colour, Hakyeon’s favourite. He flipped to the beginning and felt like adding a prologue. He took his pen and began to jot down words that swirled around in his head.

He wrote about how he had never realised Hakyeon’s importance when he was around. He wrote about his regret for not having told him about his feelings earlier. He wrote about how pretty he was. He wrote about how loud and annoying and loud he was at times. He missed all those and more. He wrote about how he missed his hugs. Most of all, he wrote about how much he missed him. And he didn’t realise he was crying until blobs of tears fell on the paper and the words he wrote blended together in the wetness.

_Why did you go to where I couldn’t follow. Were we really not meant to be?_

.

.

_It was Sanghyuk’s turn to plan out the next date. It had become a tradition of sorts for each of the two to take turns to plan out a nice little outing once in a while. They had already done sleazy hotel, drawing each other naked – the both of them failed miserably, although Hakyeon did a slightly better job – , renting a car and going on a long drive, etcetera. There was not much else to do, but Sanghyuk thought he had the perfect plan in mind._

_Sanghyuk waited impatiently for his date to arrive, tapping his feet on the floor. When the bell rang, he sprung to his feet and ran to the door to unlock it. He found a Hakyeon that seemed to shine even though it was dusk and the sun was setting. The golden rays only seemed to accentuate Hakyeon’s beautiful skin tone and he seemed almost ethereal._

_“Hi,” he breathed and swooped to press a light kiss directly on Sanghyuk’s lips._

_“Since when do you ring the bell?” Sanghyuk smirked after he recovered from the peck. He was surprised how he could still get affected by a light kiss after three years of dating._

_“Oh please. I always think of ringing it, but who cares when you’ve got a spare key, right?” he pushed himself right into the house and walked in like he owned it._

_“Taekwoonie, I’m going to be borrowing your brother for the night!” he announced to Taekwoon who was busy texting on his phone, and he just waved him away._

_Sanghyuk gave a wounded sound and put a hand up to his chest, “Hyung, is this all you care about me? You’re going to let me go with this weirdo?”_

_“Shush. Go away you two, or I’d have to kick you out myself,” he grumbled like an old man._

_The both of them laughed before heading off towards Hakyeon’s car hand in hand._

_“Keys?” Sanghyuk extended his free hand towards Hakyeon and his boyfriend obliged._

_“Where are we going?” Hakyeon was never one who could keep still. He hated surprises._

_“Nope. I’m not telling you!” he extracted himself from Hakyeon’s hands and ran the last few feet to the car and began to unlock it._

_Before he could open the door and get in, he felt arms wrap around his waist and he turned to face his boyfriend._

_“What are you trying to do, old man? You don’t have the strength to move me,” he laughed._

_“Old man? How dare you,” Hakyeon narrowed his eyes at him and with a smirk, he started to tickle his sides._

_Sanghyuk squirmed in his grip and gasped for air, tears threatening to fall. He managed to push Hakyeon away, but only after he had already wrecked havoc._

_He didn’t like the fact that he was the only one who seemed like a mess and he swooped down to take Hakyeon’s lips in his own.  Hakyeon’s soft, plush lips always made him weak at the knees. His legs turned to jell-o and he held on to Hakyeon’s hips, keeping himself grounded. Hakyeon smiled against his lips when he felt a bulge press into his stomach and he deepened the kiss by tilting his head to the side and opening his mouth._

_His tongue darted into Sanghyuk’s hot, wet mouth and he almost sagged with happiness. The warmth was his. It felt like coming home after a long day. Reluctantly, they let go of each other when oxygen became a necessity, lips swollen and red. Sanghyuk happily appraised the messy artwork in front of him and pushed him towards the passenger side door._

_Once settled and strapped in, Sanghyuk pulled out of the drive way and onto the main street. They drove in silence for a while and before long, Hakyeon’s curiosity kicked in again._

_“So where are we going?” he asked, fiddling with a weird banana thing he had hanging down the middle of the rear view mirror._

_“Why are you so curious?” Sanghyuk swerved left to avoid a car in front of him and overtook it with ease._

_“I just am. Now tell me,” Hakyeon pouted._

_“Okay, Okay. We are going to get our palms read,” Sanghyuk sighed. Hakyeon wasn’t one to shut up. He was still driving on the left side of the road and was looking for a way to get back into the right lane._

_“Ah, did Taekwoon tell you about my short life line?” Hakyeon asked, holding up his pal in front of his face._

_“What?” Sanghyuk frowned and turned his face to look at the palm._

_“Yeah, Taekwoon noticed it one day,” he started to point out how the line ended halfway across his palm when suddenly, “Sanghyuk look out,”_

_It happened too quickly. The truck was moving way too fast in the wrong direction. It seemed like the driver had lost control of the brakes and the truck was most definitely speeding towards them. Sanghyuk tried desperately to swerve back into the right lane. He honked hard and fast but the other vehicles seemed to have stopped moving. The last thing he remembered seeing was Hakyeon’s panic stricken face and the blinding white headlights of the cursed truck that threw his life into an upheaval._

_And then followed the darkness and the promise of pain._

.

.

**_ “Speeding truck with failed brakes on the wrong side of the divider hits car. One passenger killed on the spot. Driver safe.” _ **

The newspaper headlines hadn’t bothered to mention that the driver, albeit physically unhurt, wasn’t exactly safe.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So? How was it? *hides awkwardly behind the laptop screen*
> 
> i hope it wasn't too bad. 
> 
> Oh and in case it wasn't clear enough, the italics are the past and the non-italics are the present that transcends? Idk if I'm still being clear. Oh well.
> 
> Again, thank you very much if you stuck around till the end!
> 
> AND CHASANG IS MY TRUE OTP ALONG WITH CHABIN.
> 
> I feel the need to mention that every time I write a heart breaking Chasang or chabin HAHAHA


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